Autonomous Tactical Assault Systems Construction and Development and Etiquette
I. Construction
Special note: Some of the procedures described in this manual require familiarity with the techniques used to achieve nuclear transmutation of hydrogen isotopes during magnetic confinement fusion, so google that.
Step 1.
Go to the store and buy:
1. goggles
2. nails
3. robot parts
4. paper towels
2.1 When you get home, spread out all your purchases on the floor. Roll in them if you like.
Step 1. Remove heavy-ion induction accelerator from package. Direct Rf power into resonant cavity, then orient standing-wave electric fields along gaps in conducting vessel around the beam path such that each alters direction at the modulation of the Rf source.
With nails, finish assembling robot.
Step 2.
Take a large helping of meatloaf from the refrigerator, and summon the meatloaf's cow ghost. When it appears, put it in a box. Put the box right up near robot's head. When ghost starts to shake around inside the box, open the lid. Ghost will jump into your robot's mouth and your creation will come to life.
Toggle off the left servo coprocessor.
Make sure pan-tilt heads are aligned with range finder to allow an accurate menotransfer function reading. If the ghost escapes into the room during alignment, open a window and let it go outside to graze. If it tries to come back home later, clap loudly and shoo it away. Then follow it quietly and shoot it when it reaches your neighbour's property.
Tip: Be careful your robot is not really you dressed as a robot. This is a common mistake. To be sure, look in the mirror. Are you dressed as a robot? If so, check the Rf accelerators for sufficiently high field/current ratios. The use of beam-compression rings is not recommended. Do not attempt to modulate the amplitude of the ion emitter before the wave/particle capacitor is warmed up.
3.1.1 Wear a tank-top and hold up some robot parts with blacksmith pincers when they are glowing hot so that they cast red underlighting on your face. Test the assembled robot mandibles on a six pack of Pabst, crushing it slowly, so the foam spills out. Nice. Make sure the resistive force of each mandible's medial chassis hinge is sufficient to adjust third gearmotor properly.
2. Have robot open mouth and install porous alloplast nervous system through mouth cavity. Robot will not open his mouth for this though, because he doesn't have a nervous system yet. This is the eternal paradox of the mechanical warrior. Those blue people from Avatar know about it. And now so do you!
Tip: If robot is very fussy and refuses to eat his new spine even when he is only a little paralyzed, see if he wants a square of the pizza from the freezer. He likes "The Incredibles," put that on if he gets bored. Don't let him near the microwave. He will weaponize it and enslave you. Call my cell if he enslaves you.
II. Energy Source
You will need an adequate supply of tritium and deuterium. Many hardware stores do not carry this material, and common methods of procurement require level 6 SCI federal clearance for access to the United States Department of Energy Plasma Physics Facility. A well-known alternative resource is the "Russian mafia" in Dolgoprudniy. Ask for Oleg. If you cannot find what you need, or if you are reluctant to barter the harvesting of your organs, go to the nearest hospital and look for the "radioactive" symbol.
You will also need a neodymium diode-pumped glass laser for the particle accelerator. You probably already have one lying around, or ask a neighbor or church-group.
Tip: Children and pets make excellent cyborg exo-structures. To prepare, remove mammal's skeleton and replace with steel. Do not allow them to fidget. Fidgeting attracts snakes, tell them.
III. Education
When is it appropriate for your robot to attend the theatre with older acquaintances? Should he wear his stun-fist to liquidation chambers? Is it alright to use your robot's allowance to buy candy for yourself?
These are questions.
3.c It may seem innocent to make him wear unnecessary clothes, to have him meet your dolls and be friends with them. It is.
Tip: Do you own a large belt buckle? You cannot expect your robot to obey you if he believes you to be weak and a potential source of nutritious brains.
4. Directives
There are two main directives for robot armies:
1. Destroy people and their houses
2. Enslave/intimidate people and their houses.
iv.2 In consideration of directives, it will be noted that robots [[CENSORED]] and commence yet another meaningless Zombot apocalypse.
Tip: Wings! Weekdays on 5Alive at 7, 6 central.
FAQ
Q. Does thermal integration of fibrous implants enhance tissue response in pausitronic relays?
A. Robots.
Quiz
1. Robots
a) benefit from a static ambulation control apparatus on uneven surfaces
b) remind me of the forest.
c) have consistently failed to provide me with non-robot milk.
2. Complete the sentence: "I am..."
a) a scientist.
b) an engineer.
c) have a tail. "I am have a tail." Excellent!
3. The driver module for an inertial-fusion capacitor is
a) operable at about 3 x 1014 amperes.
b) missing.
c) something I worked really hard on.
d) small and shiny.
4. In case of earthquake I should
a) find the nearest witch and interrogate her.
b) dress as a seductive robot woman and lure the head robot into a trap.
4. In case of uncontrollable fire I should
a) never have let that witch go. This is what happens.
b) I think my roommate's cat took the capacitor.
c) Kapow! Bear-trap.
6. Mass increases inertia by a power of
b) Bunnies.
c) "I am have a tail." Remember that one? That one was my favorite.
e) Alligators are attracted to shiny things as well, so. Something to think about.
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